Almost Good, Except…: If You’re Going To Build A Castle, Don’t Do It Halfway

This house has a lot of re-chido features. It has a lion guarding the entrance:

It has a garden wall with a little door:

Gargoyles!:

Love the twisty chimney:

Even an entry tower, and crenellation on the terrace:

Could’ve been really awesome, but the windows look all wrong to me, the back doesn’t match, and the roof isn’t really castle-perfect.

Good: Topping It Off Right

Some people put thought and effort into putting the right roof on a building. Here are some examples [note: I took all these pictures sitting at my desk. This item brought to you literally from my point of view]:

This one has a sail-like triangle enclosure on top, which, combined with the stripy curves on the walls below, has a subtle nautical effect:

By the way, that dark thing on the flagpole is a PERSON. I used binoculars, and it looked like he was either cleaning or painting the pole. What an awful job. Made me dizzy to look at him. That building is about 50 stories tall.

Here’s another pretty chapeau. Stylish, goes with the building, keeps the neighbors from having to look at cooling towers and whatnot:

And here, in another style, is another appropriate roof. The barrel shape is reflected in the roof of the podium level below, which you can’t see in this picture:

This last pretty roof is on the building I used to work in, soon, I’m sure, to be renamed something other than Washington Mutual Tower. That pyramid shape doesn’t just hide the mechanical equipment; there is also a basketball court in there. Also, behind those arches are terraces you can walk out on if you’re nice to the right people, and the view is spectacular:

Of course, most commercial building people don’t bother with such niceties as roofs which do much besides keep the rain out, so we all have to look at atrocities like this:

I don’t understand it. Spending millions of dollars to build nice walls, then just tarring the roof and throwing a bunch of junk on it? Like no one is going to see it? It would be like building a house with a really fancy front, with nice windows and rockwork, then using cheap windows and vinyl siding on the sides and back, because no one’s going to look at that (besides you, and your neighbors, and anyone you invite over for a barbeque, and the meter reader, and people who drive by…). Oh, wait. Plenty of people see no problem with that.

Here’s another analogy: it’s like making yourself a fancy dress for some nice event, but then, because zippers cost extra and are a pain to sew in, just leaving the back hospital-gown style.

Bad: It’s a Jungle Out There, Only Two Blocks Away

Apparently my neighborhood is much more dangerous than I had thought. I saw these signs in a yard the other day:

What are the chances that one family would happen to have THREE dog-attacking cats? Either something is very wrong in that household, or the cats are totally normal and this is just a strategy to keep neighborhood dogs out of their yard. Although I also suspect that “White Cat” is angry because no one could bother to give him a real name.

I'm sort of curious to see these cats, but I'm not sure it's worth the risk. Maybe these people have a safari jeep I can ride in for the tour through their yard, and maybe I'll get lucky and it will be feeding day...save me the trouble of a trip to Africa.

UGLY: So Expensive, Yet So Cheap

Found the house I was looking for earlier! And is it ever a sight to behold. I believe the official name of this style is “Cartoon Pretentious.”


I have no idea what the designer was thinking, aside from maybe, “if we put some of a lot of things that are known to be fancy, it will look fancy…right?” WRONG. This house, which, by the way, occupies a VERY valuable plot of earth, is like a study in awkwardness and fakery, to the point where it almost seems as though that was the intent…but who would spend millions of dollars for that purpose?

Let’s look at the sides and back:


Yes, it’s even cheaper and less tasteful back there. Look at those flat windows, that senseless roofline. By comparison, the playhouse/garden shed/whatever is pretty cute. I mean, it needs an architrave or something on those columns, to start with, but cartoonishness always looks better on children’s things.